Monday, August 10

On "Hating" Horror...


Upon thinking about this entry at The Vault of Horror, What Horror Favs Do You Think Are Terrible?, I was initially preparing to take the pacifist stance. Now, I'm not saying those remarks in that VoH atricle are sloven hateothon rants, far from it, but it made me ponder those uncomfortable moments trying to explain why "X" remake can't replace the original's qualities or how The Haunting in Connecticut is a hodgepodge of dead beaten horse ideas to the common moviegoer. The VoH article preaches to the choir, even if we all don't agree (Hellraiser?!?). Though try breaking down such particular reasons (good or bad) to say, your usual coworker, and get ready to experience a purely self-defeating exercise. They'll probably just change the topic by saying The Collector was the baddest, most hardcore shit in the world.

I'm unsure how to react to "THIS MOVIE F**KING SUX!!!111!!!" rants often found in the IMDB's comment section. I always try to find individual elements in the flicks I consume to latch my positive vibes onto. Giving movies the benefit of the doubt separates us from the cattle that pack into enormous sticky multiplexes to waste over two hours at Transformers 2 on its opening weekend or Harry Knowles equating Blade 2 to the sex seen in a stag film. I say that with no reservations of people thinking I'm stating I'm better than others because in this little way those who speak passionately about film are.

Yes, I'm totally rambling (probably from approaching heat exhaustion), but it's just frustrating to deal with those who have such narrow cinematic views. That should go without saying I know. I guess this is the purpose of the genre blogger community. It's an attempt to bring viewpoints that cut above the standard love/hate taken by the majority and it's a joy to read the daily, even-handed thoughts of those who give a damn.

Buuuuuutttttt it is fun to rip elitist-style into the occasional trainwreck. I present to you a slathered stream of consciousness I originally spewed at DVDAficionado's forum about Jack Messitt's Midnight Movie. Looking back, a film that's not bad, but super pissed me off from all the praise dumped at its feet (the poster says it all) and I wasn't expecting a dinner-knife-enter-girl-flesh second coming...


Avoid. Maybe I'm in a pissy mood tonight, but this is crap that wasted my time. I gotta say I can understand how difficult it is to undertake the making of an indie horror project, so I watch with this in mind, but I just want my $11 back. Filmgoers at a midnight showing of a old B/W cult classic horror flick (that looks like boring crap as well) realize the killer in the film is actually killing people within the theater on-screen. That has potential (Demons friggin' destroys this film), but the execution so cookie cutter that it pisses you off right quick. Killer appears, boringly kills, then jumps back into the B/W film. There's the girl with a troubled past who might have the answer. Oh, and there's the obsessive, off-duty detective (whose too young and cleancut for the role, he's Tom Atkins last bowel movement) who comes to the theater on a hunch. Wow, the film is so innovative that it won Best Feature at the Chicago Horror Film Festival 2008. The selection must have been garbage. To add insult to insult, the thing simply isn't all that gory (or funny). There's more gore in a couple episodes of CSI. Anyone who lavishes praise on this dog aren't genre fans. Period.

Also the notion being pushed by some critics of the killer being the next great iconic Horror figure makes my damn blood boil. A silent, dumpy-looking guy wearing a mask of skull fragments and long johns that's 100 pounds soaking wet with a big clunky corkscrew-like weapon (it's as scary as a can opener)...that has hardly any backstory. He limps too (oh my!) Yep, there's your next Michael Myers. Woah Freddy, step aside! Hell, even Jigsaw, despite being an elderly mortal with a terminal illness, could make this idiot his bitch.


Here's my back cover pull-quote:


Midnight Movie -- makes you realize and appreciate just how good other recent Horror indies actually are!

Put that on the back of your fucking box!

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