Friday, June 5
CHUD reported yesterday that John Matrix will fuck up little brown people to save his daughter, Chenny, once again...only this time in another damn remake. Now listen, I'm usually fine with remakes, but this is Commando dammit. I never thought I'd see the day...
I agree with Oliver's comments, it's like the '80s action gods descended and purposely guided the hand of Mark L. Lester and the brawn of Arnold to birth the ultimate mindless '80's action flick to rule them all. It's so utterly hilarious, kick ass, Reagan, and lightening strike perfect that it's impervious to criticism or "re-imagining." It's the shining star of Schwarzenegger's minors and personally I believe it stands well above the vastly more successful The Running Man and Twins that helped pull the action star out of his hair metal decade quasi-slump.
Let's face it, the story is threadbare and lacking in any uniqueness, but the combined forces involved made something with enormous re-watchability. Pure gold I tell ya; from the uncomfortable father/daughter relationship, Arnold's magical Porsche healing powers, the iconic "suit-up" sequence, to a super-fay Vernon Wells frolicking with the barely concealed desire to jump Matrix's bones. There's really nothing find to fault, even James Horner's Jamaica-infused twinkly wailin' sax score. I can't see who could fill Arnold's army boots or how this could even a fraction as fantastic as the original. Finally, I'm coming to know the horrors of "rapemychildhooditis". Also if you have a Blu-ray player, grab this. Despite being the theatrical version and just having some trailers, the 1080p transfer is probably definitive considering the material.
Posted by Jayson Kennedy @ 9:01 AM